Speaking Truth vs. Being Polite
January 16th, 2008 by Sean
Recently someone named, Ron S made the following comment under the Tell Us How We Are Doing page. He has a great question that we should work together to answer. It is a question I have often had when I am in a similar situation.
And finally I do have a question that bothers me and it might be one that would be of help to others as well.
What is your opinion of what we should as “Sleep of the Dead/Conditional Immortality” believers say to friends, co-workers, extended family and others who make a comment to us regarding the traditional, culturally dominant view of the immortal soul? Specifically when a comment is made after someone dies or when referring to someone who has been dead for years. Comments like “Oh so and so is up there in heaven watching you/him/her/us/etc.”. I feel the urge to stand up for God and the truth of his word and say that “oh so & so” is NOT anywhere but dead in the grave and will be resurrected at the same time as everyone else at Christ’s return. Yet I do not want to be rude or impolite and hurt others feelings. And that is exactly what can happen when refuting cherished beliefs with others – even when they typically haven’t put much thought into why they even believe that going to heaven is the way everything works. I guess what I’m asking in essence is how do you get someone to be receptive to the “seed” of truth and not put a wall up and be defensive? How do you plant such a seed without coming off as an insenstive fanactic? Any suggestions?
Thanks and God bless.
Your brother in Messiah,
Ron
Thoughts anyone?
That is a vry good question and one I have been pondering myself since both my parents died last year. People try to be sympathetic and tell me “Well, they are in a better place.” I don’t really know how to respond since I don’t completely agree (sometimes the grave would be preferable to life). They are trying to be nice so I don’t want to be mean and say they are wrong although occasionally I do. It would be better if I could explain the biblical truth without being offensive. The thing is, most of biblical truth is offensive to the world and even to people who claim to be Christian.
Praying for “doors of utterance” can facilitate having a positive, proactive approach to potential opportunities. God can give us wisdom to speak. Sometimes a simple question or comment to Christians who have some sort of notion that Christ is to return can jar their thinking: such as calmly asking, “Why would the return of Christ with future ressurections, etc. be such a big deal in the Bible if people’s “souls” already experience bliss or torture? People with hunger, curiosity, or doubts (about traditional beliefs) can sometimes be encouraged to participate in gentle, Scriptural conversations when challenged with meek (not pushy) efforts.
Recently I listened to Death–Then What? by Anthony Buzzard and I appreciated his gentle approach to the whole subject. I agree with Ken, that the time for discussing such a potentially explosive topic is not usually when someone is feeling the raw, sting of having just lost someone close to them. The best is to be proactive. Maybe download the file above, burn it to CD, and give it to them with the words, “I thought this was fascinating, would you give this a listen when you have time, and we can talk about it?” {more resources be they video, audio, or written, are available on our Death is Sleep page}
Hello all,
aside from the topic of “the dead / resurrections / etc”, the question here is relevant to any topic and any situation or time …
There seems a time and place for “speaking the word”, as Ken mentioned also “doors of utterance”. In addition, I would say that one’s own motivation ought to be right … and many times when “elephants rampage a china shop” the motivation is self-centered, despite claims and affirmations to the contrary (“but I really do love these people, but I really do want them to be saved, but … but …”) Showing discipline, being patient, gentle, kind and also being a bit more careful with an attitude of “I (we) know the truth and must trumpet it in to any and all ears, whether they want to hear what I (we) have to say or not” should prove helpful. All too many times I have seen others (and I myself have been) rather “fanatic” about preaching my understanding as “the Word” when in reality it was a wrong understanding in the first place, but that of course only became evident when things are calmed down a bit and a more sober and unemotional non-fanatic look is taken at the matter.
I would say there are time to be “loud” and “passionate” in preaching or debating the truth …. and I would also say that there are (far?) more times to be “soft” and “gentle” in showing and talking the truth
Cheers,
Wolfgang
Hi all,
a quick thought as I was look at this again … perhaps the manner of Aquila and Priscilla instructing Apollos further could serve as an example in some of these instances? That is, when we hear someone say something concerning biblical matters which sounds to be inaccurate to us, we could extend “an invitation” to privately explore this topic some more ?
Cheers,
Wolfgang
Hello everyone.
I’m the original asker of the question. Thanks to Sean for posting this as a wider discussion topic. It is great to read everyone’s replies so far.
I had a question for JohnB. John you said “That is a vry good question and one I have been pondering myself since both my parents died last year.” and “They are trying to be nice so I don’t want to be mean and say they are wrong although occasionally I do.”.
It seems you and I are in similar situations regarding getting recent comments of this sort. Though both of my parents died many years ago, this past year my wife and I finally were able to have our first child. So I’m now getting comments from extended family expressing things like “Oh your Mom is up in heaven looking down with pride on her little granddaughter”, etc.. And that is where I want to step up and say, “Well I wish that were true, but the Bible says that my Mom won’t know about her granddaughter until she meets her on Resurrection Day” (or something to the sort ). I know people mean well and that they typically make that type of “heaven” remark innocently enough. But I do not want for God to be disappointed in me for missing an opportunity to speak the truth.
So John, on those “occasions” where you “do” correct people, how have you gone about it and what type of reactions have you received? Thanks.
And thanks again everybody and please keep the discussion going!
Ron S.
When people make comments about loved-ones being in heaven I’m sure they’re just trying to be comforting, so this wouldn’t be an appropriate time for a theological debate. Perhaps we could say something like this: “Thanks for your kind words, and I’d love to discuss that with you sometime.”
Later on, when the occasion seems more appropriate, we could pick the discussion up by saying “remember we talked about heaven going once? Well, I’ve been reading some interesting stuff …” (or words to that effect).
Hello everyone,
in a discussion about topics relating to what one considers future events, one should also be careful to note that one’s own understanding of Scripture is really not more than one’s own (or someone else’s) interpretation and assumption concerning those scriptures …. seeing that one hasn’t been there to really know if one’s interpretation is even correct …
It seems to me that some folks get quite passionate and fanatoc about their interpretation of what they think the Scriptures says about future events and they take their take as if it were most definitely true and then refute others’ take on the same as definitely wrong and in need of correction. And yet, has any of them been there to really know? Perhaps it would be wise not to get too hot and bothered about such things in the first place? And if one has a different interpretation than someone else, why not at least grant everyone the same free space to believe what they deem correct as one would like to have for one’s own beliefs?
Eh, past events and fulfilled prophecy can be viewed and diiscussed in light of what the prophecy said and what happened …. if we talk about the future, we should flat out admit that we don’t really know and are only proposing our idea of how we think it could or might be …
Cheers,
Wolfgang
Wolfgang,
You are right to advocate for kindness rather than fanaticism towards others when discussing future doctrines (or anything else for that matter). However, we should take ourselves out of the conversation simply for the fact that we have never been there to know for sure. This is the whole essence of faith–believing what God has promised will happen.
There is a healthy kind of skepticism one should have when approaching biblical beliefs but we do also have to say that God put those truths in Scripture for us to know them.
Ron S,
I have only ‘corrected’ people a couple times. I think I either said “That’s not what I believe” or “I am Christian, I don’t believe that”. The second one is a little shocking to most people so it does make them curious what I believe. Either way I think people are willing to listen to other points of view. They are not always open-minded enough to think that the other view could possibly be correct though. I think it is probably best to just make a mental note of who said it and talk to them about it later. I have talked to a few people about it but it has come up in other ways. When people invite me to their church or ask if I went to church I say that I don’t agree with the doctrine of any churches in my area so I just go to bible study. They usually ask me what I believe after that. The heaven issue is easy to mention; the trinity issue is a little harder to discuss. Anyway, if you want to talk to them right away about it and still not be offensive maybe just say “Thank you for your kindness and concern for me and my loved one, but I believe they are sleeping in the ground and will be resurrected when Jesus returns. That is how I interpret what the Bible says about death.” This is not offensive and it lets them know you believe something different and can back it up with the Bible. I know if I heard that a few years ago before I believed in the resurrection I would ask them more questions about their beliefs.
Hi John O.,
I’d be careful with saying that “the dead skeep in the ground …” because the normal (literal, non figurative) use of the term “sleep” indicates that the person sleeping is actually alive
Compare Jesus’ words to his disciples in the incident where Lazarus had died … first he tried the use of the figure of speech by calling it “sleep”, and since they obviously did not get his point, he then told them that Lazarus was “dead”. One would not want to give and then leave people with a wrong impression by calling “death” a “sleep” without folks actually understanding what one means,, or?
This of course is in regards to the situation of those dying prior to the resurrection from the dead having become a reality … What will be the situation after the resurrection has become a reality when people die at the end of their “physical” life ?
Cheers,
Wolfgang
JohnB,
Thanks for the reply!
Yeah I agree that it while people may listen, them actually contemplating it as the logical fact of what Scripture actually shows is quite another. And that is extremely hard to do from a passing comment made with good intent even though in opposition to Biblical truth. The only way that has a chance to sink in is if you are sitting down together and openly and honestly examining Scripture in almost a “Bible Study” setting. Then you can show them how the weight of Scripture in addition to common sense and logic dictate that the reason for Jesus returning to resurrect the dead is because that is how and when people are judged and can gain eternal life.
Perhaps your abbreviated retort of something along the lines of “Thanks, but I believe the Bible clearly tells us that the dead won’t be brought back into existence until the Ressurection at the Return of Christ”. Of course my worry (and why I asked the question originally) is how that could be interpreted as crass or rude.
BTW I know exactly what you mean when people ask you what church you go to or if you’d like to go to theirs. Not too many churches out there that are pro Bible-Unitarian-Conditional Imortality. In fact NONE where I live (not counting the JWS folk with their Jesus the pre-existent Michael the archangel belief) .
Ron S.
Wolfgang,
I agree with what you said about being careful saying that the dead are “sleeping in the ground”. I try to always say “non-existent” instead. And that the sleep “metaphor” is used to communicate what the passage of time will be like to the resurrected person. It will be for them like it is for us if we were “dead tired” (pun intended) and fell asleep and awoke many hours later unware that it was literally hours later instead of the minute after we fell asleep.
If you just say “the dead sleep”, too many people only think literal sleep with tossing and turning and dreams and all that and think the idea sounds a little kooky. It seems they never stop and think about the “RIP” on old tombstones and that “Rest in Peace” had a somewhat similiar idea behind it.
I also like the ol’ “light bulb” analogy. When you turn the electricity off from the light bulb, where does the light go? Nowhere. It smiply ceases to exist. But when the electricity is returned to activate the light bulb, the light exists again. So shall it be on resurrection day. Jesus at the last trumpet, will call all from their tombs and our bodies will be rematerialized and God’s electricity (the breath of life) will be turned back on to bring our “light” (life itself) back. Whether we had been dead for a day or 10,000 years, it will be the next conscious moment for us since the moment we died.
Ron S.