Why do Christians cry at another Christian’s funeral?
January 7th, 2010 by Ron S.
This is something that has popped into my head here and there for some time now. And I’ve read other answers to this kind of question out on the web (see links below). But I wanted to ask it in more of a theological setting to see what others here could add to the subject. Please note that I’m not trying to be callous regarding death and the intense emotions it brings. As an only child who lost both parents at a young age, that vile enemy death has had a far-reaching and deeply emotional effect on my own life.
So here is the question: Why are people who believe death leads immediately to immortality so sad for those who “pass-on”?
For the the last 17-18 centuries (give or take) mainstream Christianity has believed in Plato’s dualistic conception that humans are composed of a body that is mortal and a conscious “soul” that is immortal. The supposition is that this immortal soul leaves the body at death and somehow gets assigned to the “good place” (Heaven) or the “bad place” (Hell). In this belief, for the faithful followers of Christ death is considered simply an end to the physical body and that their soul starts enjoying immediate eternal bliss in Heaven. Hence people who believe this often express sentiments like “they’re in a better place now” or “God called them home” or “they are now enjoying bliss being reunited with their previously dead loved ones and being with Jesus“, etc., etc..
But why after all these centuries hasn’t traditional Christianity not conditioned those who believe this way to celebrate their deceased loved going off to Heaven instead of being so sad and heartbroken? Why hasn’t conviction in this belief led Christianity to laud the occasion with wide-spread wakes and joyous festivities? Why is there weeping instead gladness? Would not getting into heaven be THE desired result? Would it not be the best thing for them?
Now sure it is understandable that people would feel sadness over the death of someone who is not saved and therefore their eternal abode is at best unknown or at worst imagined to be the “bad place”. And of course the death of any child (even considering a young age making them not accountable to sin as yet) would be a profound lamentation over the loss of not seeing them grow up and realize their potential. No, what I’m focusing more on here is the loss of a fellow adult friend or family member who has accepted and believed in Jesus the Christ.
So why the immense sadness? Is it doubt? Does faith in something as unknown to science or unproven as an indestructible, immortal soul only go so far? We all know the realities of life and that once a person dies that is it for them in this world. Does faith not match up to what we know in reality?
Is it simply human emotions overtaking faith? There’s an innate sense of profound loss for those that we love and cherish once they die and are gone from our lives as we know that we’ll never again experience them as a part of OUR current life again. Does that simply boil down to human selfishness? Even if one believes they will have eternal life after death, is it that we do not want our present time with them to end just as we do not want our own life to end? Is it that people don’t want to spend the remaining years of their own life on earth without that person even while they are enjoying eternal bliss?
I know the answer may very well be all, some, or none of these since how human beings cope with death is as varied as human culture and human individual personalities within those cultures. Still death is 100% universal. Death is the only known outcome for all of us. The sobering fact is that if everything continues as it is, everyone now alive on this planet presently will one day be dead.
Of course the base question here could also be asked of people like myself and most of us here at Kingdomready who believe the Bible is very clear that man is 100% mortal and death really is the end of our existence without The Resurrection of the Dead at Jesus’ return bringing us back to life once again. It is THIS event that starts eternal life for the Christian dead. Therefore if the dead are out-of-existence/”asleep” until being resurrected from their tombs by Jesus at his return, the next moment of conscious existence for them/us will be meeting Jesus and being reunited with all the faithful dead at that time. So in a way, we too believe that the faithful dead will begin eternal life with Jesus in the Kingdom their very next moment of consciousness after the moment of death. Where we differ is in the time and place. The time being at each believer’s death vs. Jesus conducting The Resurrection at Jesus’ 2nd Coming. And the place being a far off Heaven vs. The Kingdom of God being established right here on a restored Earth. BTW – if this concept is new to you or you would like to read more about how Biblically based it is, please visit THIS section here at kingdomready.)
So what do you think? How would you answer the question?
Note – if anyone would like to read varying takes on this, here’s quite a few responses on the subject from the Yahoo “Answers” boards. Keep in mind that many of these were asked by those of differing faiths or no faith. So they may have asked the question from a very different mindset and perhaps even in a insinuating manner.
Hi, Ron
Thanks for your article and the thoughtful way of presenting these sad and sensitive matters.
You are quite right that being transferred to everlasting and royal bliss should result in pride and joy, not sadness. It is like having a child grow up into manhood and then telling you one day that he is selected to join the king’s royal guard. The departure is sad, but the exaltation is a cause for great joy.
Not so with the event of death. Firstly death is the ultimate, the worst that could happen to anyone. Death is defeat. It is the moment one gives in under pain, suffering, disease or old-age. And it is sad to think that the person dying could not be saved from defeat. The helplessness, the powerlessness are causes for great sadness. If pain and suffering make us weep, all the more the champion of those, namely death. We want to spare our loved ones and others anything causing pain, hence our wanting to spare them also death. And then the reality of living without the one who used to be part of one’s life. The absense, the miss, the loss. You realise that the person is truly away. It was sad for Jesus and also sad for us. (John 11:33-35) All that is left is the memories and the hope.
Man this is sad…
Ragardless of your theological stance on this subject [immortal v. conditional], we all grieve death. Why? Simply because we don’t really know if there is “life after death”.
All we have thus far “is the assurance of things hoped for, the conviction of things not seen…for we walk but faith not by sight” [Heb 11.1; 2Cor 5.7].
Meanwhile, the converse of what the Apostle Paul cites in 1Cor 15.55 is true: “death’s sting is victorious”.
I agree with Jaco,…what’s sad is missing the person. They may be asleep but we are not and we are no longer able to carry on a relationship with them–they’re gone.
Like many of you I too have pondered this subject. Whenever I read of someone committing suicide I wonder what was the impetus for them or others to do so. Yet, when we are subjected to the idea that there is a better place just beyond the wall of death, then why not just “leave this world.” Imagine going through struggles in your life, you don’t know where to turn. You recall listening to your preacher or a radio preacher tell you when you die you enter paradise, you meet Jesus immediately, and thereafter you enjoy the fruits of heaven forever. Tell me, if the world is crashing all around you and you hear that verbage, don’t you think it would leave some credance believe tha someone committed suicide based on that false belief?
Death is still the enemy. Still there is no knowledge of God, no praise of God beyond the grave. Jesus the Christ overcame that enemy and you and I will do the same if we die before He returns. Perhaps He will come quickly and we will forgo death altogether.
People cry at funeral for a multitude of reasons. As Sean related, because they truly miss the person they loved so dearly. Some cry as they consider their life with their partner and or cry because they finally realize running to and fro was not as important as they once thought. Perish the thought that some cry because they want to be seen by others as shedding tear. Is that possible?
It should be hope, I would think in agreement with Sean and Jaco, that the tears are their out of love and the sense of loss of those we hold dear.
“Why do you stand gazing” the same disciples who stayed away from Jesus on the cross, probably stood gazing with a true sense of loss as the awareness just who He really was enveloped them as He departed for heaven. Perhaps that feeling of loss triggered the urge to re-unite and await the Spirit from on high.
I agree with all the above blogs. There is also one very”perfect” example, taken from people who had, arguably,a much more direct form of faith than most of us. Think of Mary, In John 20:11 “but Mary stood outside the tomb crying. As she wept, she bent over to look into the tomb….”. She knew and had faith that Jesus would be resurrected (and that this would only be in a matter of days), but was nevertheless distressed enough to be openly weeping. Telling us, I think, that we are all just ordinary humans, with ordinary emotions, and that that is also OK,