Kingdom Ready Blog

Titus 2:3-5 says: “Older women likewise are to be reverent in their behavior, not malicious gossips, nor enslaved to much wine, teaching what is good, that they may encourage the young women to love their husbands, to love their children, to be sensible, pure, workers at home, kind, being subject to their own husbands, that the word of God may not be dishonored.”

What always made me wonder when I read this passage from Scripture was, why did an older woman have to teach younger women how to love their husbands and children? Was this not a natural thing for women to do, that Paul would have to write this as instruction for Titus to teach the women?

The Apostle Paul wrote this letter to Titus, who was thought to be a Gentile and who traveled some with Paul. Titus was evangelizing in Crete, a Greek island, at the time of the great Roman Empire. I am admittedly no historian or sociologist, however, with just a little background research of women of Ancient Rome and Greece, I found that women at this time in history, had little, if any rights. Women were expected to marry at the age of twelve to men who were much older, in their 20’s and 30’s, with the main objective to produce male heirs who would be Roman citizens. It was common for girl babies and weak male babies to be ‘exposed’ or aborted.

“They were under the constant supervision of their fathers, male relatives, and husbands, who regularly kissed them on the mouth to find out if they had drunk wine. Drinking wine was strictly forbidden for Roman women and they could be punished by death. In Memorable Deeds and Sayings from the first century AD, Maximus tells of how Egnatius Metellus beat his wife to death for drinking wine. It was believed that wine caused women to have adulterous relationships, which were very common because so many of the marriages were for political or economic reasons, and not for love or passion. Women often were expected to marry men who were much older than themselves. They married whomever they were told to. Women found to have committed adultery could be put to death by their fathers or guardians.” (source: http://www.moyak.com/papers/roman-women.html)

I found this historical background quite interesting and in line with Paul’s admonition that older women shouldn’t be enslaved to much wine, and encouraging the younger women to love their husbands and children! Understanding this makes it more clear why the younger women wouldn’t love their husbands – their marriages were not love matches, but the young women were forced into a marriage not of their own choosing. Many men at that time, viewed marriage only as a means to produce legal heirs.

But, how do we apply this Scripture to our lives today? Is this admonition by Paul still applicable to us in the twenty-first century?

Simply put: Yes. Today we are in a culture where women have much more freedom and rights than ever before in our history. They even have the legal right to abort their babies, as in Roman days, albeit for different reasons. Many choose their husbands, yet after being married, find themselves no longer ‘in love’ with their husbands, and seek a divorce. Divorce rates hover around 50%, with very little difference between people of faith and nonbelievers.

If Paul admonishes young women to love their husbands, despite their circumstances that brought their union together, how much more should we love our husbands, of our own choosing in today’s society?

“Marriage has to be an unconditional commitment to an imperfect person.” Anne Ortlundt writes. A ‘forever marriage’ where a man and a woman make a covenant to one another, to live together until death do them part, always loving and cherishing one another, is not impossible to obtain and live out. Yet, it is not without its challenges, and most people will admit that marriage takes “work,” if it is going to be a good one, that will last the test of time.

How many failing marriages would have the opportunity to succeed, if we took it upon ourselves to share what we know, to encourage a younger woman to love her husband and model what that looks like in today’s culture? How many marriages would be saved, if we shared real, practical ways to communicate with our spouses; to give warning signs when the marriage is beginning to break down; to equip couples on how to listen to God’s way, rather than the world’s perspective on relationships, before it’s too late. So many women today are coming from divorced or highly dysfunctional, non-Christian homes, and have no Biblical understanding of what “loving your husband” looks like. This Titus 2 teaching on how to love our husbands is desperately needed today! Why are we so clueless on this basic foundation of loving our husbands? How can the Body of Christ be losing the fight for the family and the marriage between the mom and the dad? Is there a lack of Titus 2 Women today? Are they in existence, but don’t know where to begin to teach on this subject? Are younger women not interested in learning or pursuing this wisdom from her elder? Where does the problem lie and what is it’s solution?

Personally, my heart breaks whenever I hear of a married couple making the decision to divorce. I know that divorce happens, and I do not want people to think I am judging them, if they have gone through this very painful experience. I do not. At the same time, God says in Malachi 2:16 that He hates divorce. I believe it’s not God’s best for us, because He knows how much pain is involved and desires the best for the entire family. I wonder if many divorces could not be avoided altogether, had the couples had the proper tools to work through their differences and learn what it is to really love one another in the name of Jesus Christ.

I challenge you to share this burden for healthy, thriving, Christian marriages with me. Prayerfully consider how God may desire to use you in someone’s life, to share your marriage wisdom and experience, to encourage them to keep working at their marriage, to not to give up, and encourage them, that they will see better, happier days, if they just keep working at it. People today need to be encouraged to stay committed, even through the rough times, and to work through their differences, their problems, their struggles, and loving their spouse with the love of Christ, even when that spouse does not deserve it or is unlovable. We need to teach forgiveness and mercy, and how to live out Christ’s teaching within the marriage. Sadly, sometimes the home is the last place Christians apply the teachings of Jesus!
Women love your husbands. It sounds so simple, yet we do need wisdom, counsel and encouragement from those who have walked in our shoes and who understand that it may not always be that simple. If you are struggling with your marriage right now, pray and ask God for “staying power, for determination, for patience, for gutsy courage to survive and survive well.” And I encourage you to go to your Pastor or seek out another Christian couple who could help mentor you and encourage you. If you are an older couple, perhaps you can volunteer yourselves to help mentor a younger couple, and set up a Bible study or just a friendship with them, so they can see you model a Christian marriage. Modeling a godly marriage is caught up close and in person. Don’t be afraid to reach out to someone and ask them if they would be interested in a marriage mentorship or discipleship, and see if perhaps a marriage might be saved because you were obedient to the words “encourage the young women to love their husbands.”