What a Woman Wants
June 11th, 2010 by Angela
Many men seem to think women are a ‘mystery’ and haven’t a clue what women want. It makes me think of an old Mel Gibson movie, “What a Woman Wants,” about a man who can suddenly read women’s minds and it changes how he treats them, when he begins to understand them. However, I don’t think we, women, are that complicated. It’s rather simple, really, and for those of you who are of the male variety, I will clue you in today on the secret to a woman’s happiness and what a woman wants. To the women readers (although you comment far less than the men on this blog site, I know you are out there, reading!), I encourage you to comment about whether you agree or disagree with my thoughts, because, we are all individuals and have different and vast opinions (thus perhaps creating the ‘mystery’ for men, because one size does NOT fit all when it comes to understanding women. 
. Perhaps I will make the mistake of over simplifying our wants, and err completely!
One disclaimer I will make, is that this “What a Woman Wants” article will pertain to the subject of men and marriage only, and will not address children, family, singleness, our relationship with God and His Son, nor any other subject, that would increase the size of this blog significantly.
So, now that I’ve caught your attention….What DO women want???
Malachi 2:14-16 sums it up nicely for us:
“…Because the LORD has been a witness between you and the wife of your youth, against whom you have dealt treacherously, though she is your companion and your wife by covenant. But not one has done so who has a remnant of the Spirit. And what did that one do while he was seeking a godly offspring? Take heed then, to your spirit, and let no one deal treacherously against the wife of your youth. For I hate divorce,” says the LORD, the God of Israel, “and him who covers his garment with wrong,” says the LORD of hosts, “So take heed to your spirit, that you do not deal treacherously.”
- We want our husband of our youth, to still be our husband in our old age.
- We want our husband to treat us with kindness, respect, gentleness and love.
- We want our husband to see us as his companion, meaning, we want to walk beside him, share the intimacies of life together. Laugh together, cry together, hold one another’s hand, as we face joys, trials, and tragedies.
- We want our husbands to uphold the covenant or promise to love and cherish us, until death do us part. We want the security of knowing that he will never leave us. That divorce is not an option and is not even thrown out casually, in hurtful ways, in anger and during heated arguments.
- We want the knowledge and trust, to know that our husband will not cheat on us. We want his eyes to only be beholding us, alone. We do not want him to commit adultery, whether physically or lusting with his eyes. We want our husband to be completely, 100% committed and devoted to us, alone.
- We do not want our husband to try to cover up his sin, but to be open and honest with us, even if the truth hurts. We want him to be real, so that we can be his helpmate, and not have him up on a pedestal of perfection, where he will inevitably fail and fall before us.
- We want our husbands to obey God in all things and be the spiritual leader in our homes, so that we will have godly offspring.
In a nutshell, this is what a woman wants. A husband who is totally in love with his wife, who is willing to give himself up and die to his wants and desires, for his wife, as Christ did, for his church. (Ephesians 5:25). And the only way to see a man love his woman in this impossible manner, is through Jesus Christ. Only being filled with the Spirit, can it become possible to love a woman like God wants her to be loved. You, the man, have the responsibility to show her Jesus Christ, through how you treat her. How you love her. How you protect her. How you provide her the security that you will never leave her, divorce her, cheat on her, betray her. You, the man, hold the covenant in your hand, to cause your marriage to rise above the norm in our society, to bring about a marriage that is strong in the times of storms; that will cause her to respect you and be true to you.
It takes two to make a marriage, and it is not always the man’s fault when it fails. But, let me hasten to encourage you – that if the man took this upon himself, to know what a woman wants, and to do everything in GOD’s POWER, to see that his wife is loved, honored, cherished, and the only one to whom he sees in that special way, so many marriages would be saved, and “divorce” would become an obsolete word, even in 2010.
There is a battle for the family and a battle going on in our marriages today. Be a man. Fight for your marriage of your youth. And instead of fighting HER, fight FOR her. Fight the spiritual battle that will make you look up to our Heavenly Father and seek HIS direction in finding what your wife wants, and then be obedient to Him. He knows the secret to happiness and what a woman really wants. Now, you do, too. Will you rise up, o Man of God, and be a companion and a covenant keeper to the wife of your youth? Perhaps, it is time to fall to your knees, in repentance, and be a true man of God, a covenant keeper, and begin a new journey to repair your broken marriage and help restore a wounded heart and take a new look at your wife, with eyes that see the woman you married, and remind yourself why you married her in the first place. If she’s not the same as the wife you married years ago, perhaps years of being married to you, have taken its toll. Perhaps, it is time to take an honest look at how much of the damage, bitterness, resentment, and wreckage she carries, is your fault, for not providing her the love and security that she needed. Don’t turn defensive, but look at her with the love of God in your heart, and see her with His eyes. See her as your sister in Christ Jesus, and confess the disservice you may have done her, by failing to fully love her the way Jesus wants you to, in a self-less manner. Ask her to forgive you, and then, move forward, in becoming the man who will be committed to his promise to love his wife, and make it a marriage that will withstand the test of time. This is what a woman wants.
Hi Angela
Yes, I think you have well summed up what a woman wants. I do think,though, that those wants are very idealistic. I also disagree with you that we are not complicated. There was a joke once, about a couple who had a big row, just before leaving for a ball game. All the way there in the car, the woman was thinking “I’m sure he’s going to leave me”, “I hate him for telling me I’m fat”, etc- you get the drift. Meanwhile, the husband is very preoccupied and silent, to his wife’s concern. What is he thinking about? Why, whether his favorite brand of beer will be available at the stadium, of course!
I have been married for 33 years. My husband is not a Christian, but is a wonderful man. Making each other happy, we have discovered, is much more about just that- making the other partner happy. And forget that 50/50 share in making it work, it much more like 70/30! If Christ is in only 50% of a marriage (and this is unfortunately very common, whether it be the man or the wife), it means that the Christian partner has the privilege of constantly showing his/her mate the Godly side of marriage.
In a perfect world (Age to Come?) marriages will be as you have described, but it the meantime, I will bless my Heavenly Father for the helpmate He has given me!
Luke 14:27, Jesus tells us, “Whoever does not carry his own cross and come after Me cannot be My disciple.”
I believe what Jesus calls us to do IS very idealistic, for is not the image of Christ, one of perfection?…and are we not called to die to our own fleshly desires, and conform to his image? Is that not absolutely impossible for us to do and unbelievable that he would ask this of us? I believe that is the true beauty of Christianity, and our expectations of living a life which reflects Christ has been shifted to an all-time low, but it IS possible, due to the Spirit of God dwelling inside each one of us.
But, this is a call for men who have accepted Christ as their Lord Messiah and Savior. In your case, being married to a someone who is not a Christian, presents its own challenges. I have witnessed this up close and very personally, where the woman was a believer and the husband, not…and I can say that these men can still make wonderful, honorable, loving husbands! God loves them so, and I believe that by them not being believers, it can make the marriage more difficult and in the case I witnessed, definitely more challenging, than had he been a believer. But, after many, many years, this woman has seen her husband come to believe, and the difficult years that they endured, has all been worth it, and they are a delightful sight to behold! He is still the same man…just better!
Your attitude sounds wonderful and I have no doubt God is working in you and through you, and will continue to bless you and your husband, and your marriage.
I believe Scripture also tells us, that after the resurrection, we will not be married to one another…
I remember telling a friend, “I think what women want is money..the big house, the nice car, the financial “security”, etc.
He said, “No. Women want to be loved.”
If a person wants to be loved, how should they act? What kind of things should they say?
How should we act if we are not loved? I believe Jesus has all the answers.
What has happened to the command of Paul that Christians are to marry in the faith? I know of many marriages which suffer the tension of competing belief systems. But the choice of mate by many professed Christians failed to take into account Jesus injunction through Paul that we are to marry within the faith. Could we say then that many problems are brought on us by poor choices, at a very basic level. (I Cor. 7:39)
Anthony
I am baffled as to where you got the understanding of what you wrote above. there is certainly nothing within 1 Corinthians 7 that could provide such an understanding much less in verse 39.
1 Corinthians 7
12 But to the rest speak I, not the Lord: If any brother hath a wife that believeth not, and she be pleased to dwell with him, let him not put her away. 13 And the woman which hath an husband that believeth not, and if he be pleased to dwell with her, let her not leave him. 14 For the unbelieving husband is sanctified by the wife, and the unbelieving wife is sanctified by the husband: else were your children unclean; but now are they holy. 15 But if the unbelieving depart, let him depart. A brother or a sister is not under bondage in such cases: but God hath called us to peace. [1] 16 For what knowest thou, O wife, whether thou shalt save thy husband? or how [2] knowest thou, O man, whether thou shalt save thy wife?
Angela,
Very well said. I’m sure you had Tony in mind the whole time. These are things worth reading and taking to heart. Thanks.
Chuck
I do not know if this comment pertains to this thread but could not find any other…
Some male elders are for women basically “teaching” the church as long as their under the “authority of a male”. They use the argument that Paul elsewhere says women had gift ministries like prophesy etc. Therefore, women were allowed to speak with a view to “edification/exhortation/teaching” males in the church.
But if this is the case, does this mean that women can speak freely in the church? And if using the prophetesses argument does this mean we have prophets in the church now? And if so, where are the rest of the Apostolic gifts as set out elsewhere?
And how can we harmonize all this with the clear Pauline restrictions placed on women in 1Tim 2.12-15?
Perhaps Paul was bias, although spirit filled, he more than once spoke “outside” as it were, “not from the Lord” but from me and then proceeded to advise accordingly.