According to Jim Wilder, narcissists are those who cannot metabolize shame in a relational way. What do you do when you’re confronted? Do you shift the blame, counterattack, or get defensive? A great key to transformation is learning to process shame and take responsibility both with people you’ve wronged and with God.
Proverbs 28:13 Our tendency is to conceal our transgressions (sins against other people). We don’t want to face the music. We’d rather cover it up. Why? We don’t want to feel guilt and shame.
Genesis 3:8-13 Avoiding shame is part of the human condition. Right from the beginning, Adam and Eve shifted the blame rather than taking responsibility. Although we may gawk at their obvious immaturity, many of us do the very same thing when we are confronted.
Genesis 4:3-9 Likewise, even after God worked with Cain to understand why his sacrifice was not accepted, Cain went on to murder his brother. When God confronted him, he lied to God’s face. This landed him in a world of consequences and alienation from God.
2 Samuel 12:1-15 Perhaps the greatest example of accepting intense shame, King David shows us how to do this after Nathan confronted him for adultery and murder.
Matthew 26:31-35, 75 Peter, too, provides a sterling example of someone who metabolized his shame and made it through the other side. Although he had denied Christ, he was able to find a path back.
1 John 1:8-2:2 Even after we’ve accepted responsibility for wrongdoing, we should also take the time to get right with God. Doing so involves confession and repentance. Thankfully, God promises to forgive and cleanse those who come clean to him.
1 John 2:28 Ultimately, we have two choices at the coming of Christ: shame or confidence. Which would you rather have?
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