By Jeff Deuble

In a card game, we don’t have a say in what cards are dealt to us, but we do get to choose what card we will play in response to what’s “on the table”. Similarly, in life we don’t necessarily control the events or circumstances we’re “dealt” – our DNA, parents and family, what others may say or do to us, and so forth. But we retain our freedom to choose our response to whatever may happen.

Among those possible responses to adversity or mistreatment is a sense of victimisation. Victims see themselves as the unfortunate recipients of unfair circumstances or treatment by others. They feel hard done by, which leads to regret, self-pity, or envy. They have a deep sense of being wronged and so blame somebody or something else for their misfortune, which leads to anger, resentment, or depression. Victims feel powerless, overcome by circumstances beyond their control, which they believe absolves them from any responsibility for proactive decisions, affirmative action, or change. They get “stuck”, unable to move beyond past events or their present malaise, and even feel justified in remaining dejected and defeated.

Whenever we are tempted to play the victim card, here are some things that may help:

1. Refocus

In Psalm 73, the author confesses that when he contemplated how unfair life can be, when he “envied the arrogant and saw the prosperity of the wicked” (v1), then his “heart was grieved and his spirit embittered” (v21). But when he entered the sanctuary of God, he got things back into perspective and “understood their final destiny” (v17). Prayer and worship help us refocus our attention away from ourselves and our circumstances and onto God, away from the immediate and onto the ultimate.

2. Refresh

Despite Elijah’s considerable spiritual achievements, when Jezebel threatened his life, he felt discouraged and despondent: “He came to a broom bush, sat down under it, and prayed that he might die. ‘I have had enough, LORD,’ he said. ‘Take my life…I am the only one left, and now they are trying to kill me too.’” (1 Kings 19:4,14). In response, God refreshed and encouraged Elijah for the ongoing battle. He provided physical nourishment, a spiritual encounter, raised up people like Hazael, Jehu, and Elisha who would support Elijah in overcoming his adversaries and gave assurance that Elijah was not alone (1 Kings 19:18). Fatigue and burnout can often cause us, like Elijah, to feel overwhelmed and defeated. It’s important to
take time out to refresh and regenerate, and to enlist the support of others.

3. Repent

When Jeremiah complained to God about how unfairly he was being treated, God responded to his remonstrations with this
challenge: “If you have raced with men on foot and they have worn you out, how can you compete with horses. If you stumble in safe country, how will you manage in the thickets by the Jordan?” (Jeremiah 12:5). In other words, “toughen up, buttercup”! Sometimes we need to be confronted and shaken out of our apathy, negativity, and wrong attitudes.

Peter was in a state of spiritual malaise after his blatant denial of Jesus, plagued with remorse and self-incrimination. Maybe that’s what prompted his sudden urge to regress to the familiar, to return to his previous occupation of fishing. Jesus didn’t allow him to wallow in his sorrow and self-pity. He firmly but lovingly confronted, restored, reaffirmed and reinstated him to his missional calling. If we are wallowing in regret or self-pity, we may need to examine our hearts and confess and repent of any wrong attitudes or actions that have brought it about.

4. Resolve

After the return of the Jews from exile, Ezra inherited a set of difficult and problematic circumstances. He was appalled and broken by the unfaithfulness of the people of Israel, including the priests and Levites. Many had intermarried, indulged in idolatry, and seriously compromised their covenant with Yahweh. The situation seemed overwhelming and hopeless. Ezra began with prayer, with personal confession, and repentance. Then others rallied and encouraged him to take positive action: “Rise up; this matter is in your hands. We will support you, so take courage and do it. So Ezra rose up…” (Ezra 10:4). Rather than being defeated by the difficulties he faced, Ezra rejected apathy and passivity and chose action and courage.

Playing the victim card is never a healthy or helpful response. It won’t heal the past, right the wrongs, encourage or empower us in the present, or give hope for a better future. In Romans 8, the Apostle Paul declares that in and through all the circumstances of our life, “God works for the good of those who love him” (v 28); “In all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us” (v37), and that “nothing will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord” (v39). The Bible calls us to victorious Christian living – to live out this victory we have in Christ, whatever our circumstances may be.

When are you tempted to “play the victim card”?