Struggling to resist temptation or control your impulses? You’re not alone. Self-control is one of the most challenging yet  essential skills to master in life. And yet—with God’s help—you can do it. In this article, you’ll discover practical, actionable ways to strengthen your self-control. Whether you’re trying to break a bad habit or start a good one, these two keys will unlock the door to improving your self-control.

Step One: Win the Battle Preemptively

You can greatly improve your self-control by anticipating and avoiding tempting situations. None of us is impervious. We all have moments of weakness. Judging by the long list of pastors who have fallen in disgrace, we know that even those with a lot to lose find it difficult to resist destructive impulses in the moment. So, here’s my suggestion: don’t put yourself in a situation where you’re going to need a heroic level of self-control.

When I used to work as a server at a steakhouse restaurant, there were plenty of flirty girls there, especially among my coworkers. I knew that I could resist their playful advances without much difficulty, but I also knew that there could be situations where it would be much harder. You see, oftentimes I would work very late, sometimes well past midnight (even though we closed at 11pm). Sometimes it would be just me and another employee cleaning and setting up the restaurant for the next day while the manager did paperwork in the office. Now let’s say that I had just been fighting with my wife and had a hard day at school as well. (I was in college at the time.) I used up all my moral grit for the day and now an unexpected opportunity arises. Will I really say, “No,” if she’s ready to go? Or will I say, “I deserve this”?

Thankfully, I didn’t have to find out, because I had made it a practice to always wear my wedding ring and talk about my wife if a female coworker started showing interest. I had sabotaged myself from sinning. I won the battle in the light of day when I had my wits about me and was thinking clearly. As a result, I never needed to fight that battle in the dark of night.

Sabotage yourself from sinning, and it will be easier to say, “No.”

Step Two: Strengthen Your Self-Control Muscle

Another way to improve your self-control is to employ a kind of exposure therapy. Most of us do whatever we can to avoid pain and suffering. However, this is resulting in some serious negative effects. Anna Lembke comments on this in her book, Dopamine Nation.

We’re all running from pain. Some of us take pills. Some of us couch surf while binge-watching Netflix. Some of us read romance novels. We’ll do almost anything to distract ourselves from ourselves. Yet, all this trying to insulate ourselves from pain seems only to have made our pain worse.

According to the World Happiness Report…people living in the United States reported being less happy in 2018 than they were in 2008. … [R]esearchers…of generalized anxiety disorder…found that richer countries had higher rates of anxiety than poor ones.…The number of new cases of depression worldwide increased 50 percent between 1990 and 2017. The highest increases in new cases were seen in regions with the highest sociodemographic index (income), especially North America.

Physical pain too is increasing. …When researchers asked the following question to people in thirty countries around the
world—“During the past four weeks, how often have you had bodily aches or pains? Never; seldom; sometimes; often; or very
often?”—they found that Americans reported more pain than any other country. …Why, in a time of unprecedented wealth, freedom, technological progress, and medical advancement, do we appear to be unhappier and in more pain than ever?

The reason we’re all so miserable may be because we’re working so hard to avoid being miserable.¹

As I mentioned above, self-control is a muscle strengthened by exercise. How can you make it stronger? Well, you’re not going to like this, but hear me out.

The way to build your self-control muscle is to do something you don’t like doing.

Find something that’s good for you, but that you don’t like doing, and do that. Rather than seeking to maximize your comfort
and pleasure, seek out something that causes you discomfort and displeasure. If you want to grow in your ability to say, “No,” to yourself in the big moments of life, say “No,” to yourself in the little moments daily. I recommend you pick something or, better yet, multiple actions that will require you to exercise self-control each and every day. Here’s a list I put together for you to consider. Remember, it only counts if it’s something that is both good for you and that you don’t enjoy.

32 Ways to Feel Uncomfortable Every Day

1. Take a cold shower.
2. Exercise until you’re uncomfortable.
3. Sit in silence for 15 minutes.
4. Do the dishes specifically when you don’t feel like it.
5. Wake up early.
6. Pay some bills you’ve been putting off.
7. Do some pushups and sit-ups.
8. Fast for a day.
9. Put your phone in airplane mode and then put it in a drawer for a few hours.
10. Play with your kid when you have a headache and you’re sleep deprived.
11. Call someone you’ve wronged and apologize.
12. Fix something in your home that you’ve been ignoring.
13. Pray for an hour; better yet, stay up all night praying.
14. Fast from social media, especially short videos for a week.
15. Sing during worship time, especially if you’re a bad singer.
16. Say to someone you live with, “Is there anything I can help you with today?”
17. Read your Bible for an hour.
18. Take dance lessons.
19. Learn a new language.
20. Ask for help when you’re lost.
21. Go grocery shopping.
22. Give someone a ride who takes you out of your way.
23. Stand outside in the cold or heat for 10 minutes.
24. Volunteer at a homeless shelter.
25. Rehash your recent failures and learn from them how you can do better.
26. Save for your next big purchase rather than buying it on credit.
27. Give money to help others.
28. Sign up to work with the kids next Sunday.
29. Spend time with a family member who is difficult for you to get along with.
30. No dessert for a month.
31. Read a non-fiction book.
32. Memorize a chapter of the Bible (e.g. Psalm 23).

Pick a couple of these and try to build them into your daily or weekly schedule. Set yourself a reminder in your digital calendar so that you don’t forget. As time goes on, you’ll start to feel less uncomfortable doing the activity. You may even grow to look forward to it, because you are enjoying it. That’s when it’s time to switch. Find something else or some other way to do what you’re doing so that, once again, you’ll need to strengthen your self-control muscle. Make this a lifestyle, and you’ll be amazed at how much happier you’ll be.

You Can Do It!

Self-control is not for wimps. It takes an intensity to embrace this lifestyle. Most of us would rather pursue relaxation and pleasure. As a result, if you would like to see a significant change in this area of your life, it’s going to take intensity. The Apostle Paul commented on this.

1 Corinthians 9:24-27. Do you not know that in a race the runners all compete, but only one receives the prize? Run in such a way that you may win it. Athletes exercise self-control in all things; they do it to receive a perishable wreath, but we an imperishable one. So I do not run aimlessly, nor do I box as though beating the air, but I punish my body and enslave it, so that after proclaiming to others I myself should not be disqualified.

Writing to a church thoroughly familiar with Olympic sports, he transferred the intensity of training athletes to his own life. He was punishing his body and enslaving it. If athletes can do this to win a leafy wreath that wilts and withers away within a short time, how much more should we who are pursuing eternal rewards train ourselves so as not to be disqualified through a lack of self-control?

Which item from the list above will you pick and incorporate into your life?

1. Anna Lembke, Dopamine Nation: Finding Balance in the Age of Indulgence (New York, NY: Dutton, 2021), 44-46.[↩]